I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
