The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
