Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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