Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
