I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
