you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
