Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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