I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize