how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think i got beer on your cat.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
