nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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