SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
