I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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