Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
