Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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