He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
