dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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