Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
