Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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