ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
