Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
