Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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