just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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