i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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