i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
