You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can't turn off my feet"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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