worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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