He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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