Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
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FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize