im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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