What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
