she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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