I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
