do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
