Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
