M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
