There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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