Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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