And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
