dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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