i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
