Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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