Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
