I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
