Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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