i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
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Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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