I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
