If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
