oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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