Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize