My first STD was from a foam party
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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