He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
