sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Even my vagina gasped.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
