3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
