All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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