my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
