I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
