I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
