Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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