You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
