Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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