you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
