Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
