Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My pussy is not your playground.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
