Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
