Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
